Plastic Ipsum

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You know what? You're the one who made me like this so you could use me for your 8th grade revenge! Yo Yo Yo! All you sucka MCs ain't got nothin' on me! From my grades, to my lines you can't touch Kevin G! I'm a mathlete, so nerd is inferred, but forget what you heard I'm like James Bond the third, sh-sh-sh-shaken not stirred - I'm Kevin Gnapoor! The G's silent when I sneak through your door. And make love to your woman on the bathroom floor. I don't play it like Shaggy, you'll know it was me. Cause the next time you see her she'll be like, OOH! KEVIN G! Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple! No, I know what home-school is, I'm not retarded! I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm popular. In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don't try to stop it. Her name is Cady. Cady Heron. Where are you, Cady? Just kidding. But you do have to watch out for "frenemies." Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets? What, no one wants large? They were real that day I wore a vest! I hear her hair's insured for $10,000. Still true. And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals. And none for Gretchen Wieners, bye. And I want my pink shirt back! I want my pink shirt back! I didn't want anyone else to have it. But that's just me. She's fabulous, but she's evil. You want to do something fun? You want to go to Taco Bell? My nana takes her wig off when she is drunk. Same with Gretchen. The meaner Regina was to her, the more Gretchen tried to win Regina back. She knew it was better to be in the plastics, hating life, than to not be in at all. Because being with the plastics was like being famous... people looked at you all the time and everybody just knew stuff about you. No! Do you know what everyone says about you behind your back? Hmm? They say that you're a homeschooled jungle freak, that's a less hot version of me! Yeah, so don't try to act so innocent! You can take that fake apology, and shove it right up your hairy c... Okay, I'm going to forgive you because I'm a very Zen person... and I'm on a lot of pain medication right now.

We gotta crack Gretchen Wieners. We crack Gretchen, and then we crack the lock on Regina's whole dirty history. Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple! It's 40 percent. Well 48 over 120 equals X over 100 and then you cross multiply and get the value of X. Because it's the same in every country. Your grandmother and I have that in common. Your parents have been eaten by cannibals! At least you guys can wear halters. I've got man shoulders. I know, right? Fat whore! Janis Ian - Dyke. You got your freshmen, ROTC guys, preps, J.V. jocks, Asian nerds, cool Asians, varsity jocks, unfriendly black hotties, girls who eat their feelings, girls who don't eat anything, desperate wannabes, burnouts, sexually active band geeks, the greatest people you will ever meet, and the worst. Beware of the plastics. But you do have to watch out for "frenemies." You can't join Mathletes, it's social suicide! It's not my fault you're like, in love with me, or something! I mean no offense, but why would she send you a candy cane? She doesn't even like you that much. Maybe she feels weird around me because I'm the only person who knows about her nose job. Oh my god, pretend you didn't hear that. I'm from Michigan! That's only okay when I say it! And even in fancy countries like the United States and England, seven out of ten girls have a negative body image. Regina said she'll talk to Aaron. And now she is. How can Janis hate her? She's such a good... SLUT! 120 calories and 48 calories from fat. What percent is that? That Cady girl is hot... she might even be hotter than Regina George. Who cares? Six of those girls are right! Just kidding. If only you knew how mean she really is... You'd know that I'm not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah! Two years ago she told me hoops earrings were *her* thing and I wasn't allowed to wear them anymore. And then for Hannakuh my parents got this pair of really expensive white gold hoops and I had to pretend like I didn't even like them and... it was so sad. And you know she cheats on Aaron? Yes, every Thursday he thinks she's doing SAT prep but really she's hooking up with Shane Oman in the projection room above the auditorium! I never told anybody that because I am *such* a good friend! In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it

Why do you wear your hair like that? Your hair looks so sexy pushed back. Cady, will you please tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back? Miss Smith, why would Regina refer to herself as a "fugly slut"? It's Halloween. Janis Ian - Dyke. Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Kay, Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just *stab* Caesar! Why are you dressed so scary? I don't send them, I just get them. So you better send me one, byotch. That's funny, put that in there. At your age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you *will* get chlamydia... and die. Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin because I use super jumbo tampons... but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina! Everyone in Africa knows Swedish One time she met John Stamos on a plane... Hell, no. I did *not* leave the South Side for this! Oh god, busted! Just start apologizing and crying. No, play it cool. God! See, at least me and Regina George know we're mean! You try to act so innocent like, "Oh, I use to live in Africa with all the little birdies, and the little monkeys!" Wow, Damian, you've truely out-gayed yourself. Why didn't they just keep home schooling you? You smell like a baby prostitute. Yeah, but tonight's the night i like it. Growing up female in this world is not easy. In China, baby girls are routinely put up for adoption. And in parts of Africa, women are still made to live in tents during the time of their menses. You want to do something fun? You want to go to Taco Bell? Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good. Who cares? Six of those girls are right! Same with Gretchen. The meaner Regina was to her, the more Gretchen tried to win Regina back. She knew it was better to be in the plastics, hating life, than to not be in at all. Because being with the plastics was like being famous... people looked at you all the time and everybody just knew stuff about you. Did you just say "thang"?