Plastic Ipsum

How many paragraphs?

I hear her hair's insured for $10,000. Everyone in Africa knows Swedish This is your lunch, OK? I put a dollar in there so you can buy some milk; you can ask one of the big kids where to do that. Good. So it's settled. So you can go shave your back now. Bye, Jason. She's so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Janis Ian. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend Kyle who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana, and Janis was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Kyle, she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, I was like, "Janis, I can't invite you, because I think you're lesbian." I mean I couldn't have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be girls there in their *bathing suits*. I mean, right? She was a LESBIAN. So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her, and she came back in the fall for high school, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she's on crack. One time she met John Stamos on a plane... Oh my God - Danny DeVito! I love your work! Fat whore! And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals. You want to do something fun? You want to go to Taco Bell? Okay, I'm going to forgive you because I'm a very Zen person... and I'm on a lot of pain medication right now. Yeah, but tonight's the night i like it. And you are... a zombie bride. It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain. And none for Gretchen Wieners, bye. I just wanted to say that you're all winners. And that I couldn't be happier the school year is ending. And you can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week, so I guess you chose today. Damn, Africa, what happened? Her name is Cady. Cady Heron. Where are you, Cady? Yeah! Take your top off! Happy holidays everybody! What, no one wants large? There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don't try to stop it. I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip flops, so I bought army pants and flip flops. You can't sit with us!

Look, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I only date women of color. Because that vest was disgusting! I mean no offense, but why would she send you a candy cane? She doesn't even like you that much. Maybe she feels weird around me because I'm the only person who knows about her nose job. Oh my god, pretend you didn't hear that. Hey, that's only ok when I say it. Cady, do you even know who sings this? Gretchen Wieners had cracked. Well... I'm kinda psychic. I have a fifth sense. God. My hips are huge! You still an asshole? That's not right, is it? You're a regulation hottie. Oh my god, she's so annoying. Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin? Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each others awesomeness? Is butter a carb? Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed. Can I help you? I'd rather see you out there shakin' that thang. I didn't want anyone else to have it. But that's just me. Regina George... How do I begin to explain Regina George? I can't go out tonight. *cough cough* I'm sick. But you do have to watch out for "frenemies." Hi, I don't know if anyone told you about me, I'm a new student here, my name is Cady Heron. They were real that day I wore a vest! Right. Oh, and it's the same with guys. Like, you may think you like someone, but you could be wrong.

We gotta crack Gretchen Wieners. We crack Gretchen, and then we crack the lock on Regina's whole dirty history. Cold, Shiny, Hard, PLASTIC. Good news, they didn't get run over... Bad news, they're still flat. Watch out please! Fresh meat coming through! No... I just have a lot of feelings... I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm popular. If you're from Africa, why are you white? Cause she's a life ruiner. She ruins people's lives. That's me. It's pronounced like Katie. Just kidding. Because that vest was disgusting! Oh no, trust me, I know exactly how to play it. But wait, aren't you *so* mad at Gretchen for telling me? Because if you are you can tell me, it was a really bitchy thing for her to do. Oh my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white. I'm a MOUSE. DUH. They were real that day I wore a vest! That's not right, is it? Ashton Kutcher. She always looks fierce. She always wins Spring Fling Queen. Can you believe my f-ing mom is here? I don't know, now that she's getting fatter she's got pretty big jugs. There's a 30% chance that it's already raining! Wow. Your house is really nice. Why don't I know you? I mean no offense, but why would she send you a candy cane? She doesn't even like you that much. Maybe she feels weird around me because I'm the only person who knows about her nose job. Oh my god, pretend you didn't hear that. Crack.