Plastic Ipsum

How many paragraphs?

God. My hips are huge! I have really bad breath in the morning. Look, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I only date women of color. Please stop talking. You smell like a baby prostitute. Oh my God - Danny DeVito! I love your work! I gave him everything... I was half a virgin when I met him! "Too gay to function"!? She always looks fierce. She always wins Spring Fling Queen. K.G. and the power of 3! Welcome! That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets. That's funny, put that in there. The weird thing about hanging out with Regina was that I could hate her, and at the same time, I still wanted her to like me. You're a regulation hottie. I know having a boyfriend might seem like the only thing important to you right now, but you don't have to dumb yourself down in order for a guy to like you. She's so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Janis Ian. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend Kyle who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana, and Janis was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Kyle, she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, I was like, "Janis, I can't invite you, because I think you're lesbian." I mean I couldn't have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be girls there in their *bathing suits*. I mean, right? She was a LESBIAN. So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her, and she came back in the fall for high school, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she's on crack. Well, I just wanted to let everyone know that we have a new student joining us. She just moved here all the way from Africa. Well... they can tell when it's raining. But the whole dance will be backwards! I'm always on your left! Well, I mean you wouldn't buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you. Oh god, busted! Just start apologizing and crying. No, play it cool. And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it. I don't know, now that she's getting fatter she's got pretty big jugs. What are marijuana tablets?

To find out that everyone hates me? I don't care! I can't believe you think I like attention! Why don't I know you? I love her. She's like a Martian! Oh no, trust me, I know exactly how to play it. But wait, aren't you *so* mad at Gretchen for telling me? Because if you are you can tell me, it was a really bitchy thing for her to do. But I'm always on your left! Wow, Damian, you've truely out-gayed yourself. But if you like him, whatever. I mean I could talk to him for you if you want. Good. So it's settled. So you can go shave your back now. Bye, Jason. Shut up. I don't know, I mean, she's so weird, she just, you know, came up to me and started talking to me about crack. Regina George is not sweet! She's a scum-sucking road whore, she ruined my life! Your mom's chest hair! Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets? What is happening to the world? Good news, they didn't get run over... Bad news, they're still flat. One time she met John Stamos on a plane... Ma'am, do you have this in the next size up? She's not even that good looking if you really look at her. I don't know, now that she's getting fatter she's got pretty big jugs. Crack. The weird thing about hanging out with Regina was that I could hate her, and at the same time, I still wanted her to like me. I hear her hair's insured for $10,000. Regina George is flawless. Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple!

And you can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week, so I guess you chose today. Oh my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white. Get in loser, we're going shopping. Oh, you'll get socialized all right, a little slice like you. I don't know, now that she's getting fatter she's got pretty big jugs. Who cares? Six of those girls are right! She's the queen bee - the star, those other two are just her little workers. Cady, do you even know who sings this? Watch out please! Fresh meat coming through! Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets? Oh, hi. Did you wanna buy some drugs? Look, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I only date women of color. Why are you dressed so scary? Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen! Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant -- and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers. I will keep you here until four. Trang Pak made out with Coach Carr! And so did Sun Jin Dinh! Do you know what people say about you? They say you are homeschooled jungle freak who's a less hot version of me. So don't try to act all innocent. You can take that fake apology and shove it straight up your hairy little... But I'm always on your left! It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain. Nice wig, Janis. What's it made of? Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs. Because it's the same in every country. And none for Gretchen Wieners, bye. "Too gay to function"!?